Donald Trump had vindication on the legal front, as porn star Stormy Daniels lost against him in court earlier this week. Gregg Gutfeld has a great take on this recent bone of contention.

Trump Wins Stormy Daniels Case pic.twitter.com/J2iTz2sNWH

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Gutfeld: Let’s enjoy a blast from the past.

STORMY DANIELS: My attorney and I are committed to making sure that everyone finds out the truth and the facts of what happened, and I give my word that we will not rest until that happens.

MICHAEL AVENATTI: The president trusted Mr. Cohen as his fixer for years. He trusted him with his innermost secrets, and I think that the chickens are about to come home to roost.

They did. Those were the days. Those press conferences were tough for her, though, because she kept grabbing the microphone with both hands.

Because she’s a porn star.

And he was these shiny, slippery litigating lollipop. Once they were darlings of the media. Now, once in jail and the other’s in the poorhouse, thanks mainly to the D-bag who’s in jail.

He was convicted by a jury of 12. And what she’s done with a group of 12 is available on VHS. I kind of miss him, which is why it’s time for: NARRATOR: The Stormy Weather Center

See, we did that, we are so clever. Monday, Stormy lost her appeal in her failed defamation suit against Donald Trump. She tried to sue the pants off him, partly because she’s not used to seeing men still wearing their pants.

But it’s true, she not only lost her appeal figuratively, she lost it literally. Worse, the ruling has her owing almost 300 grand in legal fees to the former president.

I can’t wait to see how high a stack of 300,000 $1 bills is. Daniels said in a statement Tuesday that Avenatti had sued Trump “without my permission and against my wishes.”

Something tells me over the years she’s accused a lot of guys of the very same thing in the VIP room. And now Monday, she tweeted, “I will go to jail before I pay a penny.” Which reminds me. Do you know what today is?

NARRATOR: World Math Day!

It is, and what a better way to celebrate than to run the numbers. So after Daniels and Baldy lost the case, the judge ruled that Daniels must cover Trump’s attorney fees, which is 293 grand. So if the going fee for a lap dance is, say, 20 bucks, how many lap dances will Stormy have to give in order to cover that fee? Is it A. 3,400; B. 8,900; or C. 14,650?

I’m going to give you all a moment to work on this. Time’s up, that felt good. Alright. The answer is: C. 14,650. That’s more laps than Lia Thomas swam in the 500 freestyle.

Anyway, Stormy is going to have to do 10 dances a night for four years straight, so take the batteries out of the smoke detectors, because that’s a lot of friction.

Meanwhile, Trump hailed the ruling, calling it a “total and complete victory and vindication for, and of me.”

Sure, the press turned Daniels into a martyr and Avenatti into a superhero. They wanted to believe so badly, they made stars out of two grifters straight from central casting. A lawyer even sleazier than the expired porn star he was ripping off. It was all too much to swallow, and that’s a joke even I won’t touch.

 

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